Last week I wrote about some of the things that get in the way of you being assertive. The first thing mentioned was not having energy. What exactly does this mean?
Physical energy is pretty clear. You know when you get out of bed each morning how much effort you have to make to get going. During the day you might be aware of drops in your energy. This could be before a meal because you’re low on nutrients or for a number of people it’s the mid afternoon slump.
So this is one kind of energy you might be lacking at a time when it’s really important to be assertive.
Another kind of energy and possibly an even more important one is your emotional energy.
Emotional energy is your ability to deal with whatever emotional challenges have come your way. Several examples:
Your partner comes home from work after a really bad day and wants to tell you all about it. Your day has been a good one and it’s fairly easy to stay relaxed and be sympathetic. You have enough emotional energy to do this. What if your day has been terrible too? How much emotional energy do you think you’ll have to listen to someone else’s problems when your own are quite significant? You’re right – you’ll have less than if you’d had a good day.
Your child comes home with a poor report card – you worry. Then a family member rings to let you know they have a serious illness. On your way to work the next day someone sideswipes your car. You get to work to find the submission for your latest project has been rejected. On a scale of 1 – 10, where would you rate your emotional energy? It’s more likely to be between 1 - 5 than 6 – 10.
How does this relate to being assertive? It’s important to be aware of your energy levels when the opportunity to be assertive presents. If your energy – both physical and emotional – is average to high and you have assertive skills, then go for it. If either your physical or emotional energy levels are low, you may need to postpone being assertive if this is possible. For example, the phone call that’s needed could be made after lunch rather than before lunch. The colleague or friend you need to talk with can wait until tomorrow.
If assertiveness is needed in the moment, go for a lower level such as, ‘I’d like to think over what you’ve said. How about I get back to you tomorrow morning?’
Delaying an assertive response when your energy is low is NOT an excuse for avoiding assertiveness. How do you tell the difference? If you almost always put it off, then there’s a very good chance it’s avoidance.
Next week we’ll explore some of the other things that get in the way of being assertive.
Next week: Dealing with Emotional Responses to Your Assertiveness
